Quotes from The Courage to Heal and The First Writing Assignment

Quotes from The Courage to Heal:

“No matter how committed you are, it is extremely difficult to heal from child sexual abuse in isolation.  Much of the damage experienced is the result of the secrecy and silence that surrounded the abuse.  Trying to heal while perpetuating that lonely silence is nearly impossible.”

“As women, we’ve been taught to meet the needs of others, that focusing on ourselves is selfish.  But healing requires a willingness to put yourself first.”

“Writing itself is very helpful, but sharing what you’ve written is important too.”

“The long-term effects of child sexual abuse can be so pervasive that it’s sometimes hard to pinpoint exactly how the abuse affected you.  It permeates everything:  your sense of self, your intimate relationships, your sexuality, your parenting, your work life, even your sanity.”

“The effects of child sexual abuse can be devastating, but they do not have to be permanent.”

Taking Stock:  Writing Exercise One

“Write about the ways you’re still affected by the abuse.  What are you still carrying in terms of your feelings of self-worth, your work, your relationships, you sexuality?  How is your life still pained, still limited?  Write about the strengths you’ve developed because of the abuse.  Think of what it’s taken for you to survive.  What are the qualities that enabled you to make it?  Perseverance?  Flexibility?  Self-sufficiency.  Write about your strengths with pride.”

I SUCK at relationships.  While I do have a small group of very close friends, I often let guys take advantage of me in so many ways, very often financially.  When I was abused, the abuser would say, “I’ll let you play with my toy, let you drink my special Gatorade, or play with you, if you let me rub against you or touch you down there.”  I was a little kid and wanted the attention of him. 

I tend to feel like I need to give something up in order to get the attention of guys that I am interested in or even in love with.  I do it with my girl friends too.  I offer to treat.  I’ll buy the wine tonight.  Dinner’s on me tonight.  I have a strong desire to buy extravagant gifts.  My gift has to be the best that “they” receive, so they know that I care for them more.  That way, they’ll give me the attention I so desire.

I am a very generous person by nature, but my need to over give has put me in financial troubles at times.  Maybe it’s my need to show others that I don’t NEED anything from anyone else.  Maybe I want to show that I can take care of myself and others.  Who knows?  I guess I need to explore my desire to give so much of myself a little more.

I don’t think it is a terrible thing to give to others, but before I make a purchase or offer to pay for something, I probably should evaluate my own motives, the motives of the person receiving my generosity, the necessity of the gift or deed, and, most importantly, my financial position at that given time.

I like to help people in need.  It does make me feel good. I believe that is a gift that God gave me, finding pleasure in the well-being of others.  It makes me happy to know that I can improve someone else’s day, even if it’s just a small act of kindness.  I guess I do not need to do so at the detriment of myself, however.

My work life is great….I think.  I have a job that I love.  The end of this month will mark my 5^th year as a full-time employee.  During that time I feel like I have been very flexible, adapted to changes, and taken on new responsibilities.  I interact well with others at work well…I assume.  I take pride in the work I do and strive for perfection.  I sometimes work long hours, because there is a ton to do, but I also find work to be my escape from my thoughts and feelings.  I am so busy that I don’t have time to dwell on my own issues.  I work with people that are great, and our organization is growing.  I feel blessed that this position fell in my lap.

Sexuality??  WOW…not something I like to think or talk about, but I am definitely interested in men, but they tend to take advantage of me.  I have been in a physically abusive relationship, pressured into having sex when I did not want to, emotionally abused, etc.  I don’t know if I am attracted to those types, or if I give off some type of vibe that I am easy to take advantage of.  In the past I have tended to ignore the “red flags” that my intuitions told me were not good.  I am working on that.  I think I’ve learned my lesson (the hard way). 

This year I turn 30.  As my friend Jessica says, “This is the year of Sara.”  This year I am working on improving myself.  I am working on healing, losing weight (so far 30 lbs. since February…YAY ME!!!), my self esteem, and anything else that I need to do in order for me to have the confidence to say NO when necessary.  No guy is worth harm to me, physically or emotionally.

I don’t feel so much limited, other than turning 30 and still being single.  My clock is ticking, and I would like to find someone that loves me as much as I love him.  I would like to have children someday.  Sometimes I feel like I’ll be single and alone forever.  For now, my solution to loneliness is getting a roommate!!  

I am not sure of the positive attributes that have come from the abuse.  I’m sure there are some, but I don’t know what.  I guess I strive to achieve greatness.  I am, and have been for years, an over achiever.  I finished college on time, was accepted into the MBA program, and received my MBA within 7 years of finishing high school. 

I was the first member of my family to earn a college degree, and up to this point, the only one to earn a graduate degree.  I guess I am pretty proud of that.  I have always thought that it was the support of my parents that helped me get through college and grad school, but maybe it was my desire to be better than the abuse that pushed me through.  That’s just a thought that I have never had before.  Interesting.

I have lived alone for about 6 years now and generally love it.  I can be alone.  Sometimes I get lonely, but for the most part I am satisfied with that.  I typically go home to spend time with my Memaw when I feel lonely.  I love her so much.  She is so special to me.

I mentioned earlier that I am getting a roommate.  I think it will be a good thing.  I think it will help with some of my loneliness, inspire me to keep my house cleaner, and give me someone to talk to.  It should be fun, right?  I sure hope so, because I am really looking forward to it.

I have very strong opinions about RIGHT and WRONG.  I believe that is probably attributable to the abuse. 

I DETEST people that hurt children in any way, emotionally, sexually, or physically.  I think men that molest children should be castrated – NO QUESTIONS ASKED.  Women that molest children should be tortured in some way as well.  Going to jail or being embarrassed is NOT ENOUGH!!!

I LOVE little children.  I LOVE their innocence.  I think maybe that is because I lost my innocence at such a young age.  Children are truly gifts from God.  They are miracles, and I believe that they should be treated as such. 

My time is up, and it’s time to go to bed.  Thanks for “listening.”  Things are already looking up for me.  Your feedback is always welcome and appreciated. 

PLEASE REMEMBER IF YOU OR ANYONE THAT YOU KNOW HAS BEEN OR IS BEING ABUSED SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY.