New Kids, New Friends, and New Forgiveness

***Forgiveness:  The act of excusing a mistake or offense; The process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution; To pardon, to waive any negative feeling or desire for punishment; To give up resentment against or stop being angry with; pardon or overlook sins, crimes, wrongdoing, offenses, etc.

***Definition taken from various Internet sources deemed by me to portray accurately my definition of the above mentioned word.

The past year has been amazing, really.  Since my last post and my realization that the New Kids on the Block had actually reunited in the real world that had become my adulthood, I have had some wonderful new experiences. 

A little over a year ago, I discovered Donnie Wahlberg on Twitter.  I learned that he interacted with fans through the site.  Learning that all FIVE guys were on Twitter was an absolute thrill.  As I started following those guys, I slowly integrated into an entire community of New Kid’s fans via Twitter.  I chatted with girls (and guys) from all over the country, then from Canada, and eventually from all over the world.

I’m not sure how I found this one group, but I happened across a group of ladies that were planning a trip to NYC to visit Donnie on the set of his TV show, Blue Bloods.  I learned that his fans frequently visit him on the set and was excited about the possibility of finally meeting one of the NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!!  (Holy Cow…just typing that makes my heart flutter all over again!)

Anyway, I quickly became friends with the group of girls planning the “Blue Bloods Trip”.  Before long, I chatted with these girls regularly.  We exchanged email addresses, then phone numbers, and soon we were preparing for our journey to NYC.  It all happened kind of fast.  I was just living in the moment.  The trip was fantastic.  It couldn’t have gone better, actually.  I was slightly nervous at the thought of traveling to a city in which I knew nobody and staying with people I had only met online, but when we met, I felt like I was simply reuniting with great friends after a long time apart.  It was amazing.

On the day we went to the set, there were several fans there.  At first, each group was sort of separated off from the others.  As the early morning turned to early afternoon, the fans slowly dissipated in, what I can only assume, was an attempt to sneak a bite to eat without missing Donnie exiting or entering the building.

My group of friends had split off, with half of us staying near the original door to the set, and the others going around the building, to another door.  I was texting with the girls on the other side of the building about leaving to get lunch, when I stood up paying attention only to my phone and text messages.  My friends were behind me, as they had started walking to meet the other girls.  I looked up for a second, and HOLY COW, there was Donnie Wahlberg.  He was walking in my direction.  Like the bumbling idiot that I can sometimes be, I think I said something to the effect of, “Holy F**king Sh*t, It’s Donnie F**King Wahlberg,” (Yeah, I know.  I am so eloquent and classy when caught off guard) to which he responded with a huge grin.  A dark van pulled up and he said he had to leave.  So, what did I do? I yelled, “I love the f**king sh*t outta you, just saying.”  (I know, another glaring display of class on my part) He laughed and said he loved me too and that he would be right back. 

That moment passed in only seconds that seemed to last as long as the entire 20+ years that I had waited to finally meet a member of the group that saved my childhood and recreated my innocence.  (Wow, did THAT just happen?)  When I turned around to join my friends, I giggled as I helped them pick their jaws up off the ground. (Yep….THAT just happened)  The rest of the day was spent chatting with the friends I had traveled with, as well as, new friends that I met that day.  (…and, of course, properly meeting Donnie, getting a hug, and a picture)

Before we even left NYC in October, we were already planning the “next” trip.  You see, people, that only days before were a small picture and Twitter handle, were now my real life actual friends.  I now had brand new friends that I felt like I had known forever, and we had so much in common.  Even better, once we were all home, I “met” another girl who was at the Blue Bloods set that day.  We were actually in each other’s pictures.  Somehow, we didn’t meet in Brooklyn, but now we were chatting daily on Twitter.

Since then, my friendships with these amazing people have continued to evolve.  Through Twitter, I met even more New Kid’s fans and probably had one of the most amazing years of my life, so far.  I had the pleasure of walking in two Komen walks (in NOLA and BR) in remembrance of Danny Wood’s mom Betty, who passed away from breast cancer.  I met more New Kid’s fans at both of the races.

In just a few weeks, I am departing from Miami on a cruise with the New Kids on the Block and about 3,000 other fans!  All of my tween dreams have far been exceeded, and I am beyond thrilled with the bonds that I have made with so many people that I would have never met if the circumstances were any different.

It all sounds great, right?  I know.  So, as the fabulous new life events unfolded, new friendships were made and old dreams came true, I was frustrated that I was still struggling with the anger, depression, and sadness that had plagued me for years.  I thought about all the great things that had happened, were happening, and would continue to happen, and I realized that my life really isn’t that bad.  I am a very lucky girl and have no reason to struggle with negativity.  I began to realize that wonderful things are happening, and I am missing out.  I’ve done things that I would have never dreamed of when I was 9 or 10 years old.  (So, why am I so sad?)

(Wait for it….) I’ve decided that I need to find forgiveness.  While I’m still struggling with that, and I’m not always sure where my anger is directed, I need to finally forgive so many people in my life (including myself).  You see, I know I really don’t have it that bad.  I’ve learned that I am beyond blessed in more ways than I can even begin to count.  The only person stopping me from living a fulfilled, satisfying, and, at times, exciting life, is me.  I’m not sure where this journey will lead, but I do know that Matthew, Patrick, Coach Harper, my grandparents, my mother, nor any other people are able to control my feelings and reactions.  I have spent too much time feeling sorry for myself and being angry at so many.

It is now time for me to learn the gift forgiveness, let go of bitterness, and allow myself to be free from the bad things that happened YEARS ago.  Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, being naïve, or letting my guard down.  Forgiveness, for me, will be the ultimate freedom that I’ve so desperately wanted for such a long time.  I can take lessons from my experiences, but I am hoping let go of the negativity.

If you have any suggestions or experiences where you were able to forgive a person, move past an issue, and find your own peace, I welcome your comments as I embark on a rather new(ish) journey.